How to Spot Elder Abuse

By Roz Jones

Elder abuse is described by the following acts among family and members of the household, any nursing home staff or any individual.

– When somebody attempts or causes physical injury to an elder

– When the family member or staff of a nursing home try to or is trying to place an elder in terror or alarm of physical harm by torment, threat or harassment

– When one is convincing or persuading an elder by strength or intimidation to participate in a certain act from which the elder has the right to withhold

– When one meaningfully confines the movements of an elder without his consent

– Threatening the elder to a crime of violence

1. Detecting Abuse:

– Burn markings from cigarette

– Black eye, lacerations, bruises or cuts that can not be explained

– Rope marks, a sign that the elder had been tied or slashed upon

– Hair loss, a sign that the elder’s hair was pulled

– Bodily sores and wounds

– Fingernails that are broken

– The elder’s skin is very poor condition

– Fractures of the bone

– Bite marks

– Eye glasses are broken

– Laboratory results are positive of drug overdose

– The elder displays a sudden change of behavior

– The care giver refuses to allow visitors to see the elder

2. Signs Of Neglect:

– Sores are untreated

– Displays significant signs of malnutrition

– May show signs of insanity

– Lack of personal hygiene care

3. Signs Of Emotional Abuse:

– May display a nervous behavior

– Constantly be disturbed or upset

– Displays a negative attitude

– Always in anxiety

– Demonstrate signs of insecurity, such as constant sucking or biting of the fingers

4. Financial Abuse:

– Unknown withdrawal from the elder’s account

– Unusual ATM withdrawals and switching of accounts

– The elder tend to withdraw money often

– The elder does not receive his pension or Social Security check from the mail

– The elder, without any valid reason, revises his will and changes his beneficiary

– The elder unexplainably signs contracts that results to unwanted financial commitment

– Signature was forged

– The elder has plenty of unpaid bill, despite his assets that can very well cover the bill

– Strange credit card charges

5. Signs Of Sexual Abuse

– Mysterious and unexplained genital infection

– Anal or vaginal bleeding that can not be explained

– Ripped underwear

– The elder may tell someone that she has been sexually abused

– Genitals are bruised

– The elder may report that her care giver is showing her pornographic materials

– The report of the elder that she is forced to touch someone’s genitals, observe sexual acts, tell dirty stories and pose nude for a picture

6. How Can You Prevent Abuse To Yourself As An Elder?

– Keep and continue contacts with friends and neighbors

– Work out on a buddy system with other elders in the home

– Be active socially, do not be in isolation

– Protest and speak up if you are not happy or contented with the way your caregiver or other family member treats you. Tell somebody

– Request your friends and other relatives to visit you often

– Open your mail personally

– Never sign anything unless it was reviewed by someone that you trust

– Always review your will once in a while

– Coordinate so that your pension or Social Security check be deposited directly to your bank account than being sent by mail

7. How Can You Prevent Abuse To Others?

– Pay attention. Be wary and look out for signals that might point towards abuse

– Call your loved one as frequently as possible

– Visit your loved one often and make certain that she is well taken cared of

– Always be open to your loved one, taking the time to always talk to her and assure her that you are there to help and can be trusted

– Get permission to periodically look into your loved one’s bank accounts as well as credit card statements for unauthorized withdrawals or transactions

8. How To Get Help If You Or Someone You Know Is Suffering Abuse:

911 or your local police emergency number or your local hospital emergency room

National Center on Elder Abuse

Washington, DC 20005

(202) 898-2586

Fax: (202) 898-2583

Area Agency on Aging

Almost all States have information as well as a referral line that can be useful and helpful in locating and finding services for elder abuse and neglect victims.

National Domestic Violence Hotline

The hotline provides support counseling for victims of domestic violence and provides links to 2,500 local support services for abused women. The hotline operates 24 hours a day, every day of the year.

1-800-799-SAFE

TDD 1-800-787-3224

Using Hospice Services for Dying at Home

Preparing for end of life means coming to terms with the fact that death is part of living. How you die may not be something you decide but sometimes where you die is in your control. Hospice services can help.

Hospice Care is a type of health care that serves to relieve pain without treating the cause for the pain. The focus of a hospice team is to provide medical, emotional, and spiritual support to families with a terminal patient – generally in their own home.

Some of the benefits of hospice care are:

Ability to die at home
Pain management
Help with ancillary medical needs
Provide education
Offer emotional support

Being able to be at home during the final days of life can be a helpful and comfortable thing for entire families. Being in familiar surroundings with loved ones, pets, and personal belongings can make transitioning easier than being isolated in a sterile and noisy environment like a hospital. Most everyone prefers the idea of being home rather than away when they die.

If you or a loved one has a terminal diagnosis, you are likely a candidate for palliative care and eventually hospice. Your medical provider can help you connect with a hospice team where you will create a plan and set goals for your experience. This may include things like:

Comfort needs
Direct care needs
Choices during transition
Direct support for emotional and spiritual needs

Hospice isn’t just about direct care when you are actively dying. It begins with a terminal diagnosis. Palliative care – while not considered hospice care – is a form of treating pain and making plans before hospice takes over providing final care. You do not have to be bed ridden to get support. Your medical team will include palliative care as part of your treatment plan.

As things progress your hospice nurse will provide assistance to you and your family to help make things less scary and as comfortable as possible. Knowing someone is there who can help and that you can be at home at such an important time makes such big difference in your peace of mind and comfort during this process. Even after you pass, your hospice support team will help your family contact your mortuary and help ready your remains for your pre-planned funeral process.

Tips for Sharing Difficult Plans with Your Kids

Planning for retirement includes planning for your end-of-life needs. Making important decisions about your medical care, where you intend to live, and how you want your estate managed if you become incapacitated or unable to manage your own needs is part of being a mature adult.

Kids are not adults and should not be a part of planning unless…

There is a terminally ill parent
An abrupt accident has taken place

Both scenarios are highly unusual but they do happen and there is no avoiding the realities facing the family. What is appropriate and important to share with children under these circumstances?

Here are some tips for sharing difficult plans with your kids.

Tip #1. Be age-appropriately honest- If there is a terminal situation or a fatal accident, there’s no denying what is happening; however, the language you use and the extent you share the details should match the maturity and development of your child. Be honest but censor your truth through a filter that is age-appropriate.

Tip #2. Get help- Whether it’s a counselor, clergy member, trusted friend, or family member, get some outside help. Having more than one person on your team to share supporting your children can make a big difference. Every person who is involved will have a unique impact on your children and make it easier to digest and manage difficult plans.

Tip #3. Ask questions- Checking in with your children and asking them directly how they are doing can help them feel better about opening up and sharing their feelings. Making it all right to talk about how they feel can help them cope better and make sure they don’t have any confusion or deep-seated issues they may need help with.

Tip #4. Keep things simple- People form attachments to experiences so keep things simple. If you have tough news to share, keep the environment neutral and safe. Don’t go out to dinner to share tough news or try to make things easier over an ice cream cone. This can ruin ice cream for your children for the rest of their lives. Keep things simple and direct in a neutral space so the main focus is the issue at hand.

Everyone wants to protect children from pain. That’s always the preferred choice but sometimes it can’t be avoided. You can share tough plans with your children if you use safe and sane guidelines that are age appropriate and surrounded by support.

De-Clutter Your Life; Your Family Will Thank You

You’ve spent a lifetime gathering personal belongings and acquiring the things that make your house a home. It’s hard to imagine not using them or having access to them when you need them. How many of these things have gone unused and unnoticed for a while?

As we get older, we move past the accumulation stage of life and simply settle into living with what we have. Eventually what we have may become more than we will ever need again. It might be time to de-clutter and downsize. The more you hold on to, the more you leave behind for those you love to deal with. That’s not a very smart move.

Aside from heirlooms and assets of value, our homes are generally filled with things that no longer serve us or we simply don’t need. At some point it makes sense to clear things out and start to streamline. Here are some practical dos and don’ts for de-cluttering your life to make things easier for your family.

Do- Keep things of value: Your antiques, art, and family heirlooms have value. Don’t discard or give away items that are worth something financially or emotionally.

Do- Sort through closets, drawers, and storage: These spaces tend to become black holes that contain unused and unimportant items. Tackle these spaces and reduce, recycle, and donate items you are no longer using.

Do- Enlist your family’s help: Ask your family to help you determine what is worth keeping and what is worth letting go of. You don’t have to accept every recommendation they have but their impartial advice might help you make decisions easier.

Don’t- Overthink things: People hold onto things for a lot of weird reasons. Don’t overthink the usefulness of something you haven’t looked for in years. If you aren’t actively using an item, consider getting rid of it.

Don’t- Forget others need donations: Many of the things you aren’t using could benefit someone else. From a homeless shelter to helping a woman back on her feet, your unused items could help give someone else a brand new start. Be willing to donate gently used items to make a difference.

Don’t- Be afraid: De-cluttering isn’t about losing your things. It’s about taking responsible action to streamline your life and be aware of how much you own and if it serves you. Don’t be afraid of letting go and clearing up space for easier living and a clutter-free home.

Part of prepping for the later part of life is clearing out the clutter. Making things easier for the people who will have to manage your space for you after you are gone is kind and responsible. Do your part to de-clutter and get rid of the items that no longer have value or serve your needs.