Why People Don’t Forgive

By Roz Jones

We’ve all been hurt by people we love and trust. Too often, we’re told to ‘forgive and forget.’

That’s easier said than done.

Things happen and it becomes more and more difficult to move on. This is either because of a certain pattern forcing us to stay stuck and not let go.

We gathered five reasons why people don’t forgive, and ways you can move forward.

They Don’t Know How to Forgive

Before we can forgive, we have to understand what forgiveness actually is. When you forgive someone, you don’t have to be okay with them as a person, nor do you have to sign off on what they did.

If you wait until you feel that way, you may never forgive the other party at all. What they did will always trigger negative emotions any time you recall.

The alternative is to look at forgiveness as a cancellation of debt. Forgiving someone is finally feeling like no one owes you anything.

You let them out of any obligation towards you, even an apology. It’s just taking a step towards freeing your heart from any responsibilities.

They Find It Hard Letting Go of the Bitterness

If you’re feeling bitter and sad, it can be hard to forgive. You always feel stuck and powerless.

Plus, many times, it’s just easier to deal with the added benefits of having been wronged. We feel sorry for ourselves. Then, we talk and complain, and it makes people listen. That kind of attention can be addictive, even if it’s for all the wrong reasons. It makes us feel important and wanted.

Not only that, but not forgiving can also be because holding onto the bitterness is just simpler. Playing the victim becomes part of who we are. Soon, we lose sight of everything else, even the good things that make us interesting and fun.

One of our favorite quotes by Nelson Mandela is, “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”

In a nutshell, you’re much more than one bad situation. You’re a beautiful individual deserving of living a fully engaging life.

They Attach Present Losses with the Past

Any time someone abuses our trust, it can trigger past pains. If left unchecked, it can cause a snowball effect of deep, intense emotions. The worst part is when it becomes a pattern that keeps repeating itself whenever we’re hurt.

Forgiving something like that can be extremely difficult. Many times it’s only because what we end up facing is too overwhelming and big, so much so that we don’t even know where to start.

The only way out is to stop recreating those patterns of pain. Let go of the past and separate yourself from the cycle of hurt. Once you do that, you can stop putting yourself in a position of having to forgive people over and over again.

They’re Not Being Honest with Themselves

When we’re hurt, the quickest and safest reaction is to cover it up. Or at least not be honest about the real reason why we’re upset.

Maybe you’re mad at your sister for not calling you back. But you’re actually secretly furious that she said something snarky about the state of your marriage.

So, the first step is to be honest with yourself about what’s really making you angry. Then, letting go and forgiving becomes easier.

They Don’t Want to Be Vulnerable

Feeling mad and angry makes us feel in control and tough. It even acts as an armor to keep the hurt away.

At the same time, not forgiving someone keeps you stuck. It forces you to keep replaying that painful situation in your mind. It leaves you feeling weak, vulnerable, and lacking in self-confidence.

However, there’s power in forgiveness. By letting go of the resentment and pain, you actually have more control than you think.

You no longer feel anxious or threatened every time you see them. As a result, you take away whatever control they have over you.

So, what does that mean? It means that forgiving takes strength and willpower. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “The weak don’t forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.”

EXCITING NEWS!!

I am excited and thrilled to share with you my new adventure, “The Caregiver Café Podcast”. This podcast tackles and highlights the daily situations caregivers face with their aging loved ones. We also empower you to navigate the care and challenges of your loved one with relevant topics and through the voices of your peers and their life experiences.

Monday April 4th we launched our first episode, and you can learn all about it at this link.

Visit http://www.rozjonesent.com for more information on addressing issues that caregivers face on a daily basis, and check out my newly-published book!

9 Ways to Cut Prescription Costs, Part 2

By Roz Jones

For April, we’re covering spring cleaning – getting your ducks in a row in your physical home, as well as clearing your mental space by practicing forgiveness. We hope you’ll be ready to charge into May with a new spring in your step!

This week, we’re continuing a two-part post on how you and your loved ones can save money on prescription costs.

6. Find a new pharmacy. Pharmacies frequently offer gift cards as an incentive for transferring a prescription to their store. Of course, you’ll need to make sure you’re not going to pay a lot more for the prescription. Shop around and see what’s out there.

7. Get it online. There are many online pharmacies that tend to be significantly less expensive than local pharmacies. This makes sense, since they don’t have stores and all the related expenses that go along with them.

You may have heard about ordering from Canadian pharmacies, where prescriptions cost about 50% less. You should know that the FDA doesn’t approve of using this option, and it’s technically illegal to have pharmaceuticals shipped into the country.
The website www.legitscript.com can tell you if an online pharmacy meets the legal requirements of US law.

8. Ask for free samples. Pharmaceutical sales reps often provide free samples to physicians. In fact, some physicians refuse to talk to reps unless they provide free samples. It never hurts to ask.

9. Apply for free medications. Medications are frequently made available to those of lower income. You can find low-cost and no-cost prescriptions at www.needymeds.org. If you don’t have insurance, you’re likely to get at least some relief.

There are many options available to reduce your prescription expense.

In many cases, prescriptions can be obtained for a greatly reduced cost compared to what you might be paying now. There is even the possibility of getting your meds for free if you can prove financial need.

If you’re having a financial challenge with your meds, there are solutions. Use the above tips to lower your costs and keep more money in your bank account.

Congratulations, you want to start a business! Once you get over the initial excitement, it’s time to break down the process of launching your startup into manageable chunks. So do you feel overwhelmed with the items on your to-do list? Not to worry; I’ve divided this startup Essential Business Bundle Checklists into the primary tasks you need to do now, and those that you can defer until later. These documents will help you navigate, structure, and create systems specific to our business.

It’s here, I am so excited to share a new caregiver app called CircleOf….This app will allow you to surround yourself with resources and experts from your community including ME!!!! As you are looking through the app, you will see my familiar face. I’m excited about this partnership and new ways to support you as you support your loved one. Here’s the link so you can explore the app. I would love your feedback and spread the word by sharing the link to family and friends.

Visit http://www.rozjonesent.com for more information on addressing mental health as a caregiver and check out my upcoming book!

5 Reasons To Forgive Someone Who Has Wronged You

By Roz Jones

At some point in time, someone will wrong you. It might be big or it might be small. The likelihood of having your feathers ruffled is upped by close quarters and lots of time together, which can make the caregiver/patient relationship sticky.

Whenever the offense happens, I can almost guarantee that you will have a choice to make. Will you choose to forgive them and move on with your life, or will you hold that grudge and those ugly emotions?

Here are five reasons why you should choose to forgive the person who wrongs you.

1. It Helps Your Health

When you forgive someone, you are helping your own health. If you decide to not forgive someone, you end up harboring emotions like anger, frustration, disappointment, and more. They become constant stress on your heart and body but flare up when you think about that person or interact with them. This is not healthy for you.

It is reasonable to hold this resentment for them for a little bit, but at some point, the best thing you can do is to let it go and move on with your life. It’s better for you to forgive.

2. Take the High Road

Forgiving is the high road. It is the more morally correct path. By forgiving, you are being a better person and showing others in your life (and yourself!) that you can take the better route and be successful.

You don’t want to become the person who holds every slight against them close to their heart and never forgives. That is a toxic attitude and one that will not be good for anyone involved. Take the higher road and be the better person. Forgive them.

3. Everyone Makes Mistakes

They made a mistake. It might have been a giant one, but they still messed up. Something that everyone does. You mess up and I mess up. We all have failed and let people down in one way or another at some point in our lives.

Forgiving someone who makes a mistake does not mean that you are forgetting about the mistake or that you are willing to let them do it again. It just means that you won’t carry it on your heart.

4. Forgiving Helps You Move On

It is hard to move on from something if you don’t forgive. Forgiving is moving on. If you never stop blaming Jerry for eating your meatloaf, then you will never be able to move on from it. If you don’t forgive him, every time you see Jerry you will probably become angry because he ate your food.

Maybe every time you see meatloaf you will be reminded of that time. You cannot move on from something if you don’t first forgive. Forgiveness allows for peace. Forgiveness helps take you from the past to enjoy your present. It is a calm to the chaos so that you can move on.

5. Inner Peace and Healing

Forgiving allows for healing. Perhaps healing for both parties, but most importantly it helps you find peace. At its root forgiveness is not about the other person especially when the transgression is egregious. What they did might have been awful, but when you forgive you do it for you.

You might feel like you benefit the least because you were the person harmed initially. This might be true, but you will not benefit at all by not forgiving.

6. Forgiving Others Helps You Forgive Yourself

When you forgive others, it becomes easier to forgive yourself. Grace is contagious. Often when we identify and realize how resentment, anger, and grudges affect us when they are about other people, we can also see how those emotions affect us when they are about things we find difficult to forgive ourselves for. When you forgive other people, it becomes much easier to forgive yourself.

EXCITING NEWS!!

Monday April 4th we launched our first episode, and you can learn all about it at this link.

Visit http://www.rozjonesent.com for more information on addressing issues that caregivers face on a daily basis, and check out my newly-published book!

9 Ways to Cut Prescription Costs, Part 1

By Roz Jones

Everything related to medical care is expensive.

Medical expenses are responsible for well over 60% of the bankruptcy filings in the United States. Prescriptions can be a significant expense with some pharmaceuticals can cost over $1,000 a week!

If you don’t have comprehensive insurance, paying for your medications or the medications of a loved one can be a real challenge.

Use these strategies to reduce your prescription costs:

Ask for the generic version. Anytime your doctor writes a prescription, ask if there is a generic equivalent. Generics can be much less expensive and some pharmacies will fill many generic prescriptions for $4! Most of us can afford $4.
Ask for price matching. Sometimes your pharmacy will match the price at another pharmacy, even if that other pharmacy does business strictly via mail order. Pharmacies are competitive, just like any other business. It never hurts to ask.
Get a phone app. There are phone apps that will compare the cost of your prescription at multiple pharmacies in your area. There are several, just do a search and find one that works for you.
Split the pills. Many medications cost about the same, regardless of dosage. So you might be able to buy the prescription at double strength and split the tablets with a pill splitter. You just saved 50% on the cost of your medication.
Cut coupons. There are also coupons for many medications. Check the magazines in your doctor’s waiting room. You can also look at these websites: www.internetdrugcoupons.com, www.optimizerx.com, and www.goodrx.com.

Check back in with us next Monday for part two!

EXCITING NEWS!!

Monday April 4th we launched our first episode, and you can learn all about it at this link.

Visit http://www.rozjonesent.com for more information on addressing issues that caregivers face on a daily basis, and check out my newly-published book!

5 Reasons Why It’s Hard To Forgive

By Roz Jones

This is part of our April series for caregivers on spring cleaning – both physical and mental. Forgiveness or a lack thereof can make up a big part of our lives, so we wanted to make sure we addressed it.

Anything that betrays your trust and love in a person is hard to get over. More so, because the person who probably did that to you was someone close to you. You allowed them to come close and they caught you off guard.

Now, you’re left there with all those terrible memories. You’re hurt, you’re angry, and you’ve vowed to never, ever forgive them!

But the problem is not forgiving them isn’t going to teach them a lesson. It’s not going to rake them over the coals for what they did to you. Nor will it bring you justice or set things right once again. All it’s going to do is keep amassing your bitterness and anger. Pretty soon, it’ll be all you have left.

Nevertheless, forgiveness can’t be done overnight. It’s a process that takes time and a lot of effort. Here are five reasons why it’s so hard to forgive.

You Can’t Open Up About Your True Feelings

Opening up means being vulnerable and exposing raw wounds. So, what’s the alternative? Just stay quiet. Staying hushed up and keeping your emotions bottled up is many people’s go-to reaction.

The problem is that when you don’t open up about your feelings, you make it extremely hard to forgive whoever wronged you. You feel like you’ve been backed into a corner with no way out.

Because when you’re not talking about emotions, they don’t just go away! They’ll never disappear into thin air.

To get closure, you need to get a trusted buddy you can confide in. You can also seek therapy or counseling where you’ll get the support and help you need.

You Can’t Control Your Anger

This is the opposite of the first reason. If you feel you’re not able to forgive because you lack anger management, you’re not alone.

A lot of people are gripped by blinding anger. That makes forgiveness a hard thing to come by or accept. Then you allow anger and rage to take over, the only thing you want is revenge.

The problem with anger is that it distracts you from the real problems. It clouds your judgment and makes forgiving practically impossible.

You Don’t Want The Person To Get Off The Hook

Many times our grudges are meant to be a sort of punishment for the person who hurt us. It gives us the illusion of power and control over our feelings.

However, that punishment is rarely ever effective. The other person may not even be aware of your grudge, or even that they offended you in the first place. They’re just living their life, while you’re left with the heavy burden.

One of the hardest things about forgiveness is acknowledging that it’s not about the person at all! When you forgive someone, it’s about how you can finally move on with your life.

Forgiving doesn’t exonerate them and it doesn’t get them off the hook for what they did. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you can take the first step towards healing.

You Don’t Want To Risk Disappointment Again

Perhaps you’re afraid that if you forgive, you’ll be vulnerable. No one wants to get hurt or disappointed a second time, even if it’s at the hands of a different person.

According to expert psychologists, this is a well-known defense mechanism. It’s aimed at keeping safe from future disappointments. Before you can learn to forgive, you have to realize that life is messy. It has its ups and downs with its fair share of happy days and not-so-happy days.

You Feel Misunderstood

How can you forgive if you feel you haven’t been heard? If you feel misunderstood, it’s often easier to justify holding on to your grudges and resentment.

You keep fencing yourself in more and more. The higher those walls go up, the angrier and more bitter you become. It’s a vicious cycle that goes on and on. And still, you don’t see any other way out. Letting go of what happened becomes harder and harder. And as long as you feel the need for them to hear you out, you’ll never be able to let go. After all, they didn’t treat you right, so why should you forgive them?

But, by holding onto all that rage and hurt, the only person you’re hurting is you.

Isn’t it time you started showing yourself the kindness and compassion you deserve? It all starts with forgiveness.

EXCITING NEWS!!

We launched our first episode on April 4th, and you can learn all about it at this link.

Visit http://www.rozjonesent.com for more information on addressing issues that caregivers face on a daily basis, and check out my upcoming book!