When Grandparents Become the Plan

By Roz Jones

Sometimes grandparents expect to be the steady presence in a child’s life.

And sometimes, without much warning, they become the primary caregivers.

That shift can happen because of a family crisis, illness, financial instability, mental health concerns, substance use, incarceration, military deployment, death, or simply because the children need a safer and more stable place to land. However it happens, when grandparents step in to raise grandchildren, they are often carrying far more than people can see. National kinship care resources note that grandparents and other relatives frequently become the first safe option for children when parents cannot care for them, often with little time to prepare.

And when that happens, the conversation cannot stop at “they stepped up.”

We also need to ask:
Who is supporting them now?

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Need More Than Praise

A lot of grandparents raising grandchildren get called strong, selfless, and loving.

And yes, many of them are all of those things.

But praise is not the same as support.

Many grandfamilies are navigating school enrollment, legal paperwork, health appointments, financial strain, transportation needs, behavior changes, grief, and the physical demands of parenting at a later stage in life. Federal and national kinship-care resources continue to emphasize that kinship caregivers often need help with both child-related and adult-related supports, including access to benefits, legal guidance, and service coordination.

So if you are someone caring for an aging loved one who is now raising grandchildren, or if you are a caregiver trying to support a grandparent in this role, this is important to understand: love may be what brought them into the role, but love alone is not enough to sustain it.

The Hidden Weight of Kinship Care

Grandparents who step into parenting again are often managing two caregiving realities at once.

They may be caring for grandchildren while also dealing with their own aging, chronic health conditions, fatigue, or financial concerns. And caregivers supporting them may find themselves trying to meet the needs of both generations at the same time.

That kind of layered care can wear people down.

The CDC reported in 2024 that caregivers, compared with noncaregivers, experienced worse outcomes on many health indicators, including mental health measures and several chronic physical conditions.

That does not mean grandparents raising grandchildren are not capable. It means they should not be expected to do this without real support.

Practical Support Still Matters

When a grandparent is raising grandchildren, practical help can make a bigger difference than people realize.

That may look like helping with grocery runs, rides to school, after-school pickup, household tasks, meal support, or help organizing medical and school paperwork. Sometimes what keeps a household stable is not one big intervention. It is consistent, everyday support that lowers the pressure just enough for a grandparent to breathe.

For caregivers supporting grandfamilies, this is one of the most useful questions to ask:

What would make this week easier?

Not next year.
Not in theory.
This week.

Because when families are overwhelmed, practical support is often what keeps things from slipping further.

Emotional Support Cannot Be an Afterthought

Grandparents raising grandchildren may feel joy, purpose, and deep love.

They may also feel grief, anger, sadness, resentment, guilt, fear, or exhaustion.

All of that can be true at the same time.

Some are grieving what their grandchildren have already been through. Some are grieving the reality that this is not the season of life they expected. Some feel isolated because their peers are traveling, retiring, or slowing down, while they are packing lunches, dealing with schools, and starting over.

Caregivers supporting them need to make room for the full emotional picture, not just the inspiring parts.

Listening without judgment matters. So does noticing when a grandparent looks burned out, shut down, depressed, or overwhelmed. Caregiving research continues to show that caregivers often experience elevated emotional strain, and grandparents raising grandchildren can face parenting stress on top of their own health and life transitions.

Support Has to Include Resources

One of the biggest mistakes families make is assuming grandparents will “figure it out.”

Some do, but often at great cost.

Grandparents raising grandchildren may need help understanding legal custody, school enrollment, insurance coverage, financial assistance, counseling options, food access, or respite support. National grandfamily resources point to kinship navigator programs as an important tool because they connect relative caregivers to benefits, services, referrals, and follow-up support for both the children and the adults caring for them.

Financial help matters too. Grandfamilies.org notes that child-only TANF grants remain a key source of support for many kinship families, but the program is still underused relative to the number of families who may qualify.

In other words, support should not stop at encouragement.
It should include helping grandparents get connected to what may already exist.

The Relationship Between Grandparent and Grandchild Still Needs Care

When grandparents become full-time caregivers, the relationship can shift fast.

Love is still there, but the role changes. A grandparent may suddenly be the rule-maker, homework checker, appointment scheduler, disciplinarian, and emotional safe place all at once. That can be hard on both sides.

Children may be carrying trauma, confusion, anger, loyalty conflicts, or grief. Grandparents may be trying to provide stability while also adjusting to the emotional weight of what brought the children into their care in the first place.

That is why support has to include the relationship itself.

Encouraging moments of connection, not just management, matters. Quality time matters. Predictability matters. Patience matters. So does helping grandparents understand that behavior is often carrying a story beneath it.

Self-Care Has to Be Reframed

Telling grandparents to “practice self-care” is not enough if no one is helping make that possible.

Rest does not happen because someone deserves it.
It happens because support is in place.

If a grandparent cannot get a break, cannot leave the house easily, is worried about money, and is carrying the emotional load of the entire household, generic self-care advice can feel disconnected from reality.

For caregivers supporting them, self-care may need to look more concrete:

Can you give them two hours to themselves?
Can you cover one evening a week?
Can you help them get connected to respite, counseling, or community support?
Can you reduce one pressure point they keep carrying alone?

That is often what real support looks like.

This Is a Family System Issue

When grandparents are raising grandchildren, the impact usually stretches across the whole family system.

There may be tension with the children’s parents. There may be legal uncertainty. There may be sibling disagreements, financial stress, or questions about who is responsible for what. And when those things go unnamed, the grandparent often ends up absorbing the strain.

That is why families need honest conversations about roles, responsibilities, expectations, and support. Not everything should fall on the grandparent just because they were willing to step in first.

Stepping in should not mean being left alone.If this topic is close to home, I encourage you to also read my previous blog, Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: How the Caregiver Can Support

Schedule a Family Care Planning Session

Roz Jones is a dedicated caretaker turned CEO with over a decade of experience in helping families care for and make decisions for loved ones and their legacies.Roz is a compassionate, innovative healthcare industry leader.

If your family needs support talking through next steps, book a Family Care Planning Session with Roz Jones to walk through your concerns, questions, and planning needs with more clarity and care.

Book a Session!

Purchase the Caregiving & Advance Health Directives Checklist!

Roz Jones Enterprises Caregiving & Advance Health Directives Checklist.

If you want a practical tool to help guide the conversation and make these decisions feel less overwhelming, purchase the Caregiving & Advance Health Directives Checklist at the link below.

Purchase the Checklist

Subscribe to The Caregiver Cafe Weekly Newsletter!

***Caregiving can be a roller coaster of ups and downs. The information that you will receive from The Caregiver Cafe Weekly Specials Newsletter will support you as a caregiver. Remember…***

**1. YOU ARE NOT ALONE:** The problems you face as a caregiver are experienced by other caregivers. Knowing that you’re not alone can be comforting.

**2. Tools and Resources:** Find caregiver stress management tools and gain perspective from other caregiver’s experiences.

**3. LEARN TO:** Ask for help, accept help when it is offered, and acknowledge yourself on this caregiving journey. Hear from experts on how to balance caregiving responsibilities by taking care of your needs and involving others to help manage the natural stress and isolation of being a caregiver.

Subscribe Now!

Planning Before the Crisis

By Roz Jones

If you are caring for an aging loved one, or if you are someone trying to prepare your own wishes so your family is not left guessing later, advance directives can feel like a hard topic to even bring up.

That makes sense.

These conversations touch fear, vulnerability, health changes, and the reality that life will not always stay the same. A lot of people avoid them not because they do not care, but because they do. Deeply.

But that is also exactly why this matters.

Advance directives are not just legal documents. They are one way to make sure a person’s voice stays part of the conversation, even during moments when they may not be able to speak for themselves.

What Advance Directives Really Mean

At their core, advance directives help put medical wishes into writing ahead of time.

They can help answer questions like:

Who should speak for me if I cannot speak for myself?
What kinds of treatment would I want or not want?
What matters most to me if my health changes?

For the person aging, this is about protecting choice.

For the caregiver, this is about having guidance instead of having to make painful guesses in the middle of a crisis.

That matters more than people sometimes realize.

Why Your Aging Loved One May Need This

Aging does not take away a person’s right to decide how they want to be cared for.

Your aging loved one may already have strong feelings about medical care, life support, hospital treatment, comfort, dignity, and who they trust to make decisions. The problem is not always that they do not have wishes. The problem is that those wishes often have not been clearly shared, written down, or discussed with the right people.

When that happens, families are left trying to figure things out under pressure.

Advance directives help aging loved ones stay centered in their own care. They create space for a person to say, while they are able, “This is what matters to me.”

Why Caregivers Need This Too

If you are a caregiver, you already know how much can end up resting on your shoulders.

You may be the person making calls, tracking medications, keeping up with appointments, watching for changes, checking on safety, and trying to hold everything together emotionally at the same time. In the middle of all that, the last thing you need is to be forced into making major medical decisions without clear direction.

That kind of uncertainty can weigh heavily on caregivers.

It can create guilt.
It can create conflict among family members.
It can leave one person carrying the emotional burden of decisions no one prepared for.

Advance directives cannot remove all the pain from a hard season, but they can give caregivers something steady to lean on. They can offer clarity when emotions are high. They can help families move from guessing to honoring what their loved one actually wanted.

This Is Not Only About End-of-Life

One of the biggest reasons families delay this conversation is because they think advance directives are only about death.

That is part of the picture, but not the whole picture.

Advance directives matter anytime someone may not be able to communicate their wishes for themselves. That could happen during a serious illness, after a fall, during hospitalization, after a stroke, with memory loss, or because of another unexpected medical event.

So this is not just about preparing for the end.
It is about preparing for the unknown.

And when you are caring for an aging loved one, you know how quickly things can change.

Why Families Put It Off

Many people assume there will be more time.

More time to ask the questions.
More time to fill out the forms.
More time to come back to the conversation when things feel less busy, less emotional, less uncomfortable.

But in caregiving, waiting often creates more pressure, not less.

Conversations that could have happened slowly and thoughtfully end up happening in hospital rooms, after emergencies, or during moments when everyone is tired and overwhelmed. That is when stress is high, opinions collide, and people are most likely to feel lost.

Planning ahead does not make a hard situation easy.
But it can make it clearer.

How to Start Without Making It Feel Scary

This conversation does not have to begin with legal language or stacks of paperwork.

It can begin with care.

You might say:

I want to make sure we understand what matters to you.
Have you thought about who you would want speaking for you if needed?
Are there medical decisions you feel strongly about?
What would you want us to know now, before there is ever a crisis?

That kind of opening feels different.

It does not sound like fear.
It sounds like love.
It sounds like respect.
It sounds like preparation.

And for caregivers who are making plans for themselves too, these same questions matter just as much. You do not have to wait until you are older, sicker, or in crisis to decide you want your wishes known.

Clarity Is a Gift to Everyone Involved

One of the most loving things a person can do for their family is make their wishes clear.

One of the most loving things a caregiver can do is help create space for that clarity.

Advance directives are not about expecting the worst. They are about reducing confusion if life takes a difficult turn. They are about helping aging loved ones keep their voice. They are about helping caregivers feel less alone in decision-making. They are about giving families a stronger foundation in moments that can otherwise feel chaotic.

That is why this matters. If you want to understand the basics more clearly, read my previous blog What are Advance Directives and Why Do They Matter?

Schedule a Family Care Planning Session

If your family needs support talking through next steps, book a Family Care Planning Session with Roz Jones to walk through your concerns, questions, and planning needs with more clarity and care.

Book a Session!

Purchase the Caregiving & Advance Health Directives Checklist!

If you want a practical tool to help guide the conversation and make these decisions feel less overwhelming, purchase the Caregiving & Advance Health Directives Checklist at the link below.

Purchase the Checklist

Subscribe to The Caregiver Cafe Weekly Newsletter!

Subscribe Now!

When Home Stops Working

By Roz Jones

If you have already read my earlier blog, How to Know When It’s Time to Move Your Parents or Aging Loved Ones, this conversation builds on that one.

In that blog, we talked about some of the signs families often notice when an aging loved one may need more support. But this part of the caregiving journey deserves a deeper conversation, especially now, when more families are trying to balance safety, dignity, finances, independence, and emotional well-being all at once.

Because the truth is, deciding whether an aging loved one should stay at home, move in with family, or transition into a more supportive living environment is rarely a simple choice.

It is not just about whether they can stay where they are.
It is about whether their current environment is still helping them live well.

The Question Is Bigger Than a Move

When families ask, “Is it time?” what they are often really asking is:

Is home still safe?
Is my loved one still managing well day to day?
Are their needs growing beyond what we can reasonably support?
Are we waiting for a crisis to make a decision we already know is coming?

Those questions matter.

In today’s caregiving landscape, many families are trying to honor an aging loved one’s desire for independence while also recognizing when more help is needed. That tension is real. Most people want to hold on to what feels familiar for as long as possible. Home carries memory, comfort, routine, and identity. So when that setting starts to become harder to manage, the decision is not only practical. It is deeply emotional too.

That is why this conversation cannot only be about moving. It has to be about support.

Notice What Has Changed

One of the clearest ways to tell whether a living situation still fits is to look closely at what has changed over time.

Maybe your aging loved one used to manage meals, medications, bills, and appointments with little difficulty, but now things are slipping. Maybe the refrigerator is empty more often. Maybe the laundry is piling up. Maybe they are forgetting medications, missing doctor visits, or struggling to keep up with personal care. Maybe the house itself feels less safe than it once did.

These are not small details. They are often the everyday signs that someone needs more help than they used to.

And sometimes the change is not dramatic. Sometimes it happens slowly enough that family members adjust to each new concern until one day they realize the situation is no longer sustainable.

Safety Matters, But So Does Quality of Life

Families often focus first on the obvious safety concerns: falls, wandering, forgetting the stove, difficulty getting in and out of the shower, trouble with stairs, or confusion around medications.

Those concerns matter. A lot.

But safety is only part of the picture.

Quality of life matters too.

If your aging loved one is spending most of their time alone, losing connection to the things they enjoy, withdrawing from others, or showing signs of loneliness, depression, or emotional distress, that matters just as much. A person can be technically “at home” and still not be truly supported there.

Sometimes the issue is not that they need a facility right away. Sometimes the issue is that they need more structure, more companionship, more oversight, or more daily assistance than they currently have.

That is why families should not only ask, “Are they okay enough to stay?”
They should also ask, “Are they truly being supported in a way that helps them live with dignity?”

Health Needs Can Shift the Whole Picture

As health needs become more complex, home can start to require more than occasional help.

Chronic illness, memory changes, repeat hospital visits, recovery after injury, mobility issues, or increasing difficulty with personal care can all shift what is realistic. What worked six months ago may not work now. What felt manageable last year may no longer be enough.

And this is often where families start to feel stretched thin.

You may be helping with transportation, handling appointments, checking medications, stepping in during emergencies, managing paperwork, and trying to keep your own life together too. At some point, love alone is not enough to carry the weight of increasing care needs without more support in place.

That does not mean anyone has failed. It means the situation has changed.

Caregiver Burnout Is a Sign Too

If you are constantly worried, losing sleep, overwhelmed, resentful, emotionally drained, or struggling to keep up with the demands of caregiving, that is not something to brush aside. Caregiver burnout is not a minor issue. It affects your health, your decision-making, your relationships, and your ability to keep showing up well.

Sometimes families wait until the aging loved one is clearly in crisis before they consider a change. But sometimes the warning sign is that the caregiver is already at a breaking point.

That matters too.

Needing more support does not mean you are abandoning your loved one. It may mean you are finally being honest about what this level of care requires.

A Move Is Not the Only Option

More support does not always mean an immediate move into a care facility.

Sometimes the next right step is bringing in home care. Sometimes it is making safety modifications in the home. Sometimes it is increasing family support, arranging adult day programs, hiring help with meals or housekeeping, or having more structured oversight around medications and appointments.

And sometimes, yes, it does mean that home is no longer the best setting.

The goal is not to rush past options. The goal is to be honest about what is and is not working.

A move should not be treated as the first solution to every challenge, but it also should not be avoided simply because it is painful to talk about. When families avoid the conversation completely, they often end up making major decisions in the middle of fear, guilt, or emergency. That is much harder on everyone.

Include Your Aging Loved One

If your loved one is able to participate in the conversation, include them.

Ask what feels hard. Ask what they are worried about. Ask what matters most to them. Ask what kind of support they would be open to receiving. Listen to what they value, even if the family ultimately has to make difficult adjustments.

Too often, conversations about care become conversations around the aging loved one instead of with them.

Dignity matters here.

Support should not feel like punishment.
Change should not erase someone’s voice.
And even when the answers are hard, respect should remain at the center.

Do Not Wait for the Worst-Case Scenario

If you are already noticing repeated safety issues, growing confusion, deeper isolation, physical decline, or unsustainable caregiving demands, take that seriously.

Do not wait for the fall.
Do not wait for the hospitalization.
Do not wait for total exhaustion.
Do not wait until everyone is operating from panic.

The earlier you begin the conversation, the more options you usually have.

Sometimes the best next step is not making a move immediately. Sometimes it is having the conversation now so the decision, if it comes, is made with clarity instead of crisis.

The goal is not simply to decide whether your aging loved one should move.

The real goal is to make sure they are living in an environment that supports their health, safety, emotional well-being, and dignity, while also being honest about what the family can realistically sustain.

That is a much fuller question. And it is often the right one. If this is a conversation your family is beginning to face, I also encourage you to go back and read my earlier blog, How to Know When It’s Time to Move Your Parents or Aging Loved Ones, where I first shared some of the signs that may point to the need for change. This blog is meant to build on that foundation and help you think more deeply about what support truly looks like in this season.

Schedule a Family Care Planning Session

And if you are feeling overwhelmed trying to figure out next steps, you do not have to sort through it alone. When you can’t do it all, give Roz a call. Book a Family Care Planning Session with Roz Jones to talk through your loved one’s needs, your family’s concerns, and the support options that make the most sense for your situation.

Book a Session!

Purchase the Caregiving & Advance Health Directives Checklist!

Help your aging loved one prepare important conversations and decisions before a crisis forces them. Sometimes having the right tools in front of you can make these conversations feel a little more manageable.

Purchase the Checklist

Subscribe to The Caregiver Cafe Weekly Newsletter!

Subscribe Now!

Memories and Milestones of President Jimmy Carter: A Gentle Goodbye — Lessons from Hospice Care

By Roz Jones

As we conclude our series on the extraordinary life of President Jimmy Carter, I want to reflect on his final chapter—a journey through hospice care that was marked by grace, dignity, and love.

When President Carter entered hospice in February 2023, it was a decision that spoke volumes about his character. True to form, he approached end-of-life care as he did everything else: with thoughtfulness and humility. For nearly a year, he remained in the care of his loved ones, supported by a compassionate hospice team that honored his wishes to remain at home.

Hospice care is often misunderstood, but President Carter’s experience highlighted its profound value. It’s not about giving up; it’s about creating a space where life’s final moments can be meaningful and peaceful. With hospice, President Carter was able to spend time with Rosalynn, his family, and close friends—sharing stories, reminiscing, and simply being present.

As caregivers, many of us have walked this road ourselves. It’s never easy, but it’s also a time of connection and reflection that can leave lasting memories. President Carter’s hospice journey reminds us to approach these moments with an open heart, focusing on the quality of life rather than the length of time left.

The Carter family’s decision to be transparent about his care also opened the door for important conversations about end-of-life planning. It’s a reminder for all of us to have those discussions early, ensuring that our loved ones’ wishes are honored.

President Jimmy Carter’s legacy isn’t just in the policies he created or the homes he built—it’s also in the example he set for living and dying with purpose. His life was a testament to the power of love, service, and faith.

As we say goodbye, let’s carry his lessons with us: to serve others, to love deeply, and to approach caregiving with the same compassion he showed in every aspect of his life. Thank you for joining me for this series. I’m here to support you in your caregiving journey, just as President Jimmy Carter inspired us to support one another. Book a consultation with me at the link.

Subscribe to The Caregiver Cafe Weekly Newsletter!

Subscribe Now!

Memories and Milestones: The Carter Legacy of Caregiving

By Roz Jones

When I think about President Jimmy Carter and Rosalynn Carter, I’m reminded of the true meaning of partnership. Together, they spent decades not just as husband and wife, but as advocates for one of the most vital and often overlooked roles in society—caregiving.

As caregivers, we know the challenges that come with supporting our loved ones. It’s not just about tending to physical needs but also about creating an environment of dignity and compassion. That’s what the Carters worked tirelessly to promote through the Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregivers (RCI).

Founded in 1987, RCI became a beacon of hope and advocacy for caregivers. Rosalynn, with President Jimmy Carter always by her side, championed the importance of providing resources, training, and emotional support for those caring for aging loved ones, individuals with disabilities, or those facing chronic illness.

The Carters believed caregiving was not just a personal responsibility but a societal one. Through their work, they raised awareness of the emotional and financial toll caregiving takes, while also pushing for systemic changes to support caregivers.

What stands out most to me is how they lived what they preached. Even in their later years, as Rosalynn began facing her own health challenges, President Jimmy Carter became her advocate and caregiver, embodying the same values they had championed for decades.

Their story resonates deeply with those of us in The Caregiver Cafe community. Whether you’re caring for a parent, spouse, or friend, the Carters remind us that caregiving is an act of love, one that has the power to transform both the giver and the receiver.

As we move toward the conclusion of this series, we’ll reflect on President Jimmy Carter’s graceful transition through hospice care and the lessons we can learn from his journey. Stay tuned for the final blog of the Memories and Milestones of President Jimmy Carter series, where we’ll explore the role of hospice in his life and what it can teach us about end-of-life care.

Subscribe to The Caregiver Cafe Weekly Newsletter!

Subscribe Now!