What is Self-Hatred?

By Roz Jones

Could it be possible you hate yourself too much? Self-hatred is more than simply not liking yourself. When you suffer with self-hatred, you’ll constantly put yourself down and feel like you aren’t good at anything.

Self-hatred and feeling like we are not enough can be especially difficult for those of us fulfilling caregiver roles for our loved ones. When we are responsible for taking care of both ourselves and others, we can feel as if we are never doing enough or “doing it right.”

Here, we’ll look at what self-hatred is, the impact it can have on your life, and how you can stop it in its tracks.

Understanding self-hatred

Self-hatred is basically like having a little bully sat inside your head. You will experience constant criticizing thoughts, pointing out your flaws and mistakes. Some common self-hatred thoughts you might experience include:

“You’re a loser”
“Why did you even try, you knew you would fail.”
“You aren’t good enough.”
“Why can’t you just be normal?“

You’ll put yourself down and compare yourself to others frequently. Self-hatred tends to develop over time and is triggered by more than one event.

How can it impact your life?

Although self-doubt is healthy, self-hatred is not. If you struggle with self-hatred, it can have a devastating impact on your life. Often the feelings of self-hatred worsen over time and can lead to destructive behaviors as you try and numb the negative self-talk.

Many people who suffer with self-hatred go on to develop destructive behaviors such as cutting themselves, develop eating disorders, or turn to drugs and alcohol. It can impact every aspect of your life, including your relationships, your career, and the friends you include in your life. You may also stop caring about the things you used to enjoy and avoid things that make you feel better.

The impact it can have on your life makes it important to treat quickly, rather than ignore it. The question is, how can you eliminate self-hatred?

Ways to eliminate self-hatred from your life

There are many ways to eliminate self-hatred from your life. Learning how to tame your inner bully is a great first step. So, when you notice that inner voice telling you negative things about yourself, switch it around. Stop those negative thoughts in their tracks and turn them into a positive.

So, if your inner bully says, “You aren’t worth anything,” switch it to “I may feel like I am not worthy, but I know that I am.” The more you counteract the negative thoughts with positive ones, the more positive your mind will become.

You can also make a list of all your strengths. If you struggle to come up with some, ask those closest to you. When you focus on your strengths, you won’t be too caught up in your weaknesses.

Finally, work on building up self-compassion. That is, treat yourself the exact same way you would treat a good friend. As a caregiver, you are excellent at helping out and lifting others up, so turn these skills on yourself. Would you beat a loved one up for making a mistake? If not, why do it to yourself?

Overall, self-hatred can be a powerful thing to overcome since it builds up over time. However, the tips above can help you to start to quiet your inner bully and develop a little more self-compassion.

Visit http://www.rozjonesent.com for more information on building yourself up as a caregiver and check out my upcoming book!

Why It’s Hard to Say “No” as a Caregiver pt 2

By Roz Jones

Have you ever said ‘yes’ to something you wished that you’d said ‘no’ to instead? Chances are you’ve done that not just once, but several times in your life, and likely regretted it every time. This is particularly difficult as a caregiver, when we know that our loved ones are relying on us. Why is it so terribly hard to say ‘no’ when deep down, you know that it’s the right thing to do?

As it turns out, a lot of those answers come from the past and our upbringing. Thankfully, it’s never too late to rewrite the past. Let’s take a look at several more reasons people say ‘yes’ when they mean ‘no.’

“I want to prove my worth.”

Poor self-esteem drives this statement. Frequently we set out to prove ourselves by becoming indispensable. Unfortunately, all that it shows when you say ‘yes’ to everything, is that people can easily take advantage of you. No one thinks highly of someone who says ‘yes’ all the time.

“If I say ‘no,’ I’m selfish.”

This one comes straight out of childhood where we are taught to be agreeable from the time we’re small. In reality, it’s very healthy to put your own needs first. After all, how can you take care of anyone else, if you’ve compromised not only our time but your energy and quite possibly your health to take care of everyone else first? You are at your best as a caregiver, and in general, when you put on your own oxygen mask first before helping someone else.

There are many more excuses for saying ‘yes.’ What you need to realize is that whenever you feel put out, angry, or resentful about doing something, a ‘yes’ in that situation is just that – an excuse. That’s when you need to examine your motives, and then ask yourself – is that truly the person you want to be? Chances are, it’s time for a change.

Check out the first part of this discussion here, and visit http://www.rozjonesent.com for more information on setting boundaries as a caregiver and to check out my upcoming book!

Why It’s Hard to Say “No” as a Caregiver

By Roz Jones

As it turns out, a lot of those answers come from the past and our upbringing. Thankfully, it’s never too late to rewrite the past. Let’s take a look at several reasons people say ‘yes’ when they mean ‘no.’

“If I say no, I’m weak.”

Far from being weak when you say ‘no’, you’re showing a great deal of strength. It takes someone with confidence, and the ability to look out for their own mental and physical health, to put their foot down. As a caregiver, when you say ‘no’ to something, and putting your health first, you are ensuring that you will still be strong tomorrow as you are today in order to care for yourself and your loved ones.

“I don’t want to let anyone down.”

Believe it or not, when most people ask for a favor, they are already expecting the person they’re asking to say ‘no.’ They meet that refusal with a shrug and a determination to try someone else. People aren’t as invested as you think. The only person you’re letting down here is yourself if you say ‘yes’ when you don’t want to.

“I’ll be seen as difficult to work with.”

Again this is where your perception of the situation is off. People will see you as being difficult to work with if you’re …difficult. So long as you’re not belligerent, angry, or abusive when you say ‘no,’ no one is going to think anything at all. Keep in mind that there are other ways you can still contribute and be part of the team without saying ‘yes’ to every little thing asked of you. In fact, you may make the situation worse for yourself or others if you always say ‘yes’, but don’t have the time to follow through.

Check back later this week or more discussion on saying “no” as a caregiver, and visit http://www.rozjonesent.com for more information on setting boundaries a caregiver and check out my upcoming book!

Stay Healthy While Working and Caregiving From Home pt 3

By Roz Jones

Have a look at my first few tips on staying healthy at home here and here, and read on to learn some more!

Taking Regular Breaks

Make sure you have a balanced work schedule throughout the day, including taking enough breaks. Think of your work-from-home schedule just like a schedule if you were in the office still. This includes a morning and afternoon break, and a lunch break! If you would get up every hour to move and stretch your body in the office, then you should be doing that now as well.

Do desk stretches – There are stretches you can do while sitting down or standing. These give you the opportunity to look somewhere other than your computer screen, stretch your body, and hopefully stand up to stretch out your legs as well.

Walk around – Also use your breaks as a chance to get up and walk around your house or office space.

Make adjustments – Do you feel like your neck is stiff or back is hurting? You may be sitting incorrectly. Check the ergonomics of your workstation, whether you are working at a desk or your kitchen table.

Environmental Changes

The environment where you work at home can also make a big difference in your health and wellbeing. Here are some things you can change in your environment for your health:

Setting up your workspace – Make sure your workspace is set up for focus and productivity, including a desk or table that is comfortable, all the accessories you need to get work done, proper lighting, and a way to cancel out noise or distractions.

Having healthy resources at home – It is also good to have resources available to you at home to improve your health if this is a priority. This might be nutritious food and snacks, home workout accessories, or just some house plants in your office to get you in the healthy mindset.

Designated break areas – Taking a break at home is a little different from a traditional workplace, since you are already in your relaxing place. This is why having a designated workspace AND a designated place to take your breaks is so essential.

Your Work-Life Balance

Everyone needs a good work-life balance, whether you work from home or out of the home. But it tends to be a little more complicated when your home is also your office.

One of the best things you can do for your work-life balance when you work from home is to have a schedule that tells you when you start work, and when you stop. Avoid bringing your laptop to the couch or your bed to get work done outside of your “office hours”.

This small change, in addition to having a separate workspace, will make a big difference in your work-life balance.

Are You Ready to Be Healthier?

Let’s summarize how to be healthier at home and make sure you are ready and on the right path.

Small habits for big changes – Remember that it is not about changing your entire life in order to be healthier. Just choose some smaller habits, and working from home will benefit you greatly.

Find your motivation – What motivates YOU to be healthier might not motivate anyone else. Be honest with yourself about what you are trying to achieve.

Set health goals – Lastly, set some goals for yourself when it comes to your health. What are you trying to improve? What are you struggling with right now? The more specific your goals are, the easier they will be to achieve.

Visit http://www.rozjonesent.com for more information on how to be more productive as a caregiver and check out my upcoming book!

Stay Healthy While Working and Caregiving From Home pt 2

By Roz Jones

Have a look at my first few tips on staying healthy at home here, and read on to learn some more!

Finding Your Health Motivation

What is the reason you want to be healthier while working from home? This is where you can start, and will help with not just your health, but your happiness when you are at home working all day.

Make a list of everything that is motivating you to be healthier, starting with your WHY.

This why may include for yourself, or for your loved ones, so you can take better care of both.

Answer this question in your journal or in a notebook:

“Why do you want to be healthier while working from home?”

This is important, because it helps you understand yourself a little more, and find what is going to motivate you the most. There is no wrong answer here, except one where you aren’t being honest with yourself.

Creating a Healthy Morning Routine

To start working on your healthy habits at home, begin with your morning routine. Don’t worry about having a perfect routine or one that you get 100% right every day. Routines are simply a collection of activities you do around the same time each day.

Everything in your routine should serve some kind of purpose and be something you want to get done in the morning, or that will help you start your day on the right foot.

Benefits of the Morning Routine

Why have a morning routine? When you are working from home, you need some structure. Without a boss looking over your shoulder or co-workers to be accountable to, it requires a lot more self-motivation. This also includes your health journey while working from home.

Some benefits of having a morning routine include:

Starting your day off with healthy habits
Incorporating healthy habits into your routine
Setting yourself up for the day
Getting in exercise first thing in the morning
Changing your mindset to a healthy, balanced one

Health Pitfalls to Avoid

It is really easy to think the habits and routines you have implemented in your work-from-home life are for health, but many of them are about losing weight or being overly restrictive. Here are some pitfalls to avoid when you are on a health journey:

Going on a restrictive diet – Many people think that to eat healthy, they need to be on a diet. But this is not true! Change your mindset from what you need to take away from your diet to what you can add in to improve nutrients and fuel your body.

Focusing on the wrong things – When it comes to your health, it is more about how you feel, not what you think you should be doing. This goes for everything you do at home, from your physical activity and what you eat, to the information you consume and what your routine looks like.

Feeling like you aren’t doing enough – This is especially important when caring for loved ones, when we feel like we may not be enough. But, any small change you make or healthy habit you incorporate into your work-from-home life is going to improve your physical health and wellbeing. It is enough.

Check back later this week for more healthy at home habits, and in the meantime, visit http://www.rozjonesent.com for more information on how to be more productive as a caregiver and check out my upcoming book!