By Roz Jones
Have you ever said ‘yes’ to something you wished that you’d said ‘no’ to instead? Chances are you’ve done that not just once, but several times in your life, and likely regretted it every time. This is particularly difficult as a caregiver, when we know that our loved ones are relying on us. Why is it so terribly hard to say ‘no’ when deep down, you know that it’s the right thing to do?
As it turns out, a lot of those answers come from the past and our upbringing. Thankfully, it’s never too late to rewrite the past. Let’s take a look at several more reasons people say ‘yes’ when they mean ‘no.’
“I want to prove my worth.”
Poor self-esteem drives this statement. Frequently we set out to prove ourselves by becoming indispensable. Unfortunately, all that it shows when you say ‘yes’ to everything, is that people can easily take advantage of you. No one thinks highly of someone who says ‘yes’ all the time.
“If I say ‘no,’ I’m selfish.”
This one comes straight out of childhood where we are taught to be agreeable from the time we’re small. In reality, it’s very healthy to put your own needs first. After all, how can you take care of anyone else, if you’ve compromised not only our time but your energy and quite possibly your health to take care of everyone else first? You are at your best as a caregiver, and in general, when you put on your own oxygen mask first before helping someone else.
There are many more excuses for saying ‘yes.’ What you need to realize is that whenever you feel put out, angry, or resentful about doing something, a ‘yes’ in that situation is just that – an excuse. That’s when you need to examine your motives, and then ask yourself – is that truly the person you want to be? Chances are, it’s time for a change.
Check out the first part of this discussion here, and visit http://www.rozjonesent.com for more information on setting boundaries as a caregiver and to check out my upcoming book!