Why It’s Hard to Say “No” as a Caregiver

By Roz Jones

Have you ever said ‘yes’ to something you wished that you’d said ‘no’ to instead? Chances are you’ve done that not just once, but several times in your life, and likely regretted it every time. This is particularly difficult as a caregiver, when we know that our loved ones are relying on us. Why is it so terribly hard to say ‘no’ when deep down, you know that it’s the right thing to do?

As it turns out, a lot of those answers come from the past and our upbringing. Thankfully, it’s never too late to rewrite the past. Let’s take a look at several reasons people say ‘yes’ when they mean ‘no.’

“If I say no, I’m weak.”

Far from being weak when you say ‘no’, you’re showing a great deal of strength. It takes someone with confidence, and the ability to look out for their own mental and physical health, to put their foot down. As a caregiver, when you say ‘no’ to something, and putting your health first, you are ensuring that you will still be strong tomorrow as you are today in order to care for yourself and your loved ones.

“I don’t want to let anyone down.”

Believe it or not, when most people ask for a favor, they are already expecting the person they’re asking to say ‘no.’ They meet that refusal with a shrug and a determination to try someone else. People aren’t as invested as you think. The only person you’re letting down here is yourself if you say ‘yes’ when you don’t want to.

“I’ll be seen as difficult to work with.”

Again this is where your perception of the situation is off. People will see you as being difficult to work with if you’re …difficult. So long as you’re not belligerent, angry, or abusive when you say ‘no,’ no one is going to think anything at all. Keep in mind that there are other ways you can still contribute and be part of the team without saying ‘yes’ to every little thing asked of you. In fact, you may make the situation worse for yourself or others if you always say ‘yes’, but don’t have the time to follow through.

Check back later this week or more discussion on saying “no” as a caregiver, and visit http://www.rozjonesent.com for more information on setting boundaries a caregiver and check out my upcoming book!

Stay Healthy While Working and Caregiving From Home pt 2

By Roz Jones

Have a look at my first few tips on staying healthy at home here, and read on to learn some more!

Finding Your Health Motivation

What is the reason you want to be healthier while working from home? This is where you can start, and will help with not just your health, but your happiness when you are at home working all day.

Make a list of everything that is motivating you to be healthier, starting with your WHY.

This why may include for yourself, or for your loved ones, so you can take better care of both.

Answer this question in your journal or in a notebook:

“Why do you want to be healthier while working from home?”

This is important, because it helps you understand yourself a little more, and find what is going to motivate you the most. There is no wrong answer here, except one where you aren’t being honest with yourself.

Creating a Healthy Morning Routine

To start working on your healthy habits at home, begin with your morning routine. Don’t worry about having a perfect routine or one that you get 100% right every day. Routines are simply a collection of activities you do around the same time each day.

Everything in your routine should serve some kind of purpose and be something you want to get done in the morning, or that will help you start your day on the right foot.

Benefits of the Morning Routine

Why have a morning routine? When you are working from home, you need some structure. Without a boss looking over your shoulder or co-workers to be accountable to, it requires a lot more self-motivation. This also includes your health journey while working from home.

Some benefits of having a morning routine include:

Starting your day off with healthy habits
Incorporating healthy habits into your routine
Setting yourself up for the day
Getting in exercise first thing in the morning
Changing your mindset to a healthy, balanced one

Health Pitfalls to Avoid

It is really easy to think the habits and routines you have implemented in your work-from-home life are for health, but many of them are about losing weight or being overly restrictive. Here are some pitfalls to avoid when you are on a health journey:

Going on a restrictive diet – Many people think that to eat healthy, they need to be on a diet. But this is not true! Change your mindset from what you need to take away from your diet to what you can add in to improve nutrients and fuel your body.

Focusing on the wrong things – When it comes to your health, it is more about how you feel, not what you think you should be doing. This goes for everything you do at home, from your physical activity and what you eat, to the information you consume and what your routine looks like.

Feeling like you aren’t doing enough – This is especially important when caring for loved ones, when we feel like we may not be enough. But, any small change you make or healthy habit you incorporate into your work-from-home life is going to improve your physical health and wellbeing. It is enough.

Check back later this week for more healthy at home habits, and in the meantime, visit http://www.rozjonesent.com for more information on how to be more productive as a caregiver and check out my upcoming book!

Conquering Fear – How To Fight Your Phobia

By Roz Jones

Being a caregiver can be a scary thing, especially when we are new to the field. The guide shares a few ideas for conquering some of those fears and phobias when taking care of a loved one once and for all! Please note, the fear of enclosed spaces (claustrophobia) is used as an example – though the steps are applicable to any fear.

1. Expose yourself to fear.

If you have a phobia, you probably go out of your way to avoid the thing that causes you to feel afraid. In the claustrophobia example, you may refuse to use lifts, as they make you feel uncomfortable.

Unfortunately, by avoiding the scenario you fear – the lift – you are actually increasing your overall fear. Avoidance does nothing but make a situation worse, and you need to face the fear before you can conquer it. That means getting into a lift, even if just for one floor. Make yourself do it.

2. Positive reinforcement.

After you have forced yourself to confront your fear once, you need to make it a positive experience. This can be having a dessert you enjoy following your ordeal, or buying something nice from your favorite store. Do this as soon as possible following your first attempt to confront the fear – in the example, you should dive into a cupcake the second you step out of the lift. As a caregiver, you should always show your support to your loved one as much as possible. Let them know you understand their fear, and that you are there to help them conquer it. If you are the one experiencing fear, let your loved one know and ask them for their love and support while you conquer it.

3. Rinse, and repeat.

The way to conquer a phobia is to do the above, over and over again. As you do so, you will learn to manage the fear, and you will also learn that there really is no danger in what panicked you. By continuing to deliberately expose yourself to your fear, and then allowing a congratulatory moment when you succeed, over time, you will rid yourself of the fear forever. Be a team! The caregiver and the loved one receiving care can help each other conquer their fears, together.

Overcoming fear can be intimidating. In order to be the best caregiver you can be, conquering your fears are a must! If you need guidance on how to do this, you need to pre-order my new book, Lifted. It will include a workbook that will help you work through each step.

Are You Productive or Just Busy?

By Roz Jones

Have you ever observed someone who seems to be busy all the time, but doesn’t really get anything done? Do you feel that sometimes you’re in the same boat? How do you know if you’re productive or just busy? It can be easy to get overwhelmed with the everyday tasks when taking care of a loved one. As a caregiver it’s important that we manage our time efficiently, not only to give proper care to our loved one, but to also make the necessary time to take care of ourselves.

Do you have goals? People who are productive generally have goals and focus all of their work on achieving those goals. Of course there are always going to be distractions and obstacles when taking care of a loved one but those distractions don’t take priority over the big picture.

Do you focus or multi-task? People who multi-task often seem very busy. They’re always doing something, but they’re rarely doing any one thing very well. Tackle each obstacle you face as a caregiver directly, you’ll be more productive if you focus on doing one thing at a time.

Do you delegate? Sometimes you may take on tasks that would really be better to delegate to someone else. It can be easy to want to say yes to every task because you want to provide for your loved one. But you might be able to delegate personal tasks while keeping the focus on business tasks. This will improve the quality of care given to your loved one, and minimize the personal burnout you feel as a caregiver.

Do you say no? People who are productive know how to say no to something that is going to take them away from their own important work. It’s okay to say no when you really don’t have time to fit in one more thing. Don’t feel guilty when saying no to certain tasks related to your loved one. Instead, feel reassured knowing that this will benefit both of you in the long run.

Do you let some things go? It may sound counterproductive to erase some tasks from your to-do list. But you may find that you have given yourself tasks that really won’t move your vision forward and will take up extra time. It’s okay to scratch something off the list and go a different way.

Do you have a schedule? People who are productive tend to have a schedule for each day of what needs to be done and when. If you’re not planning ahead, chances are you’re staying busy but not productive.

Do you complete projects? You can be busy doing something all day long, every day and never get a project completed. If you find you’re starting a lot of things without finishing them, it’s time to look at your priorities and become more productive.

Do you feel peace? When you spend your time very busy but not accomplishing much you might feel a sense of anxiety. You may worry about all the things you need to do that aren’t getting done. Try as best as you can to remain present in each moment. Rather than expressing a sense of anxiety, this will help you express gratitude appreciating the time you get to spend with your loved one.

But when you’re productive, you can actually feel peace when it comes to work. You know what’s important and you have a plan to get it done on time.

It can be easy to get overwhelmed with the everyday tasks when taking care of a loved one. As a caregiver it’s crucial that we manage our time efficiently. Not only to provide the utmost of quality care to our loved one but to also make the necessary time to take care of ourselves. If you are struggling with how to manage your time, you need to pre-order my new book, Lifted. It will include a workbook that will help you work through each step!

2 Legal Documents Everyone Needs Before They get Sick

By Roz Jones

Being ill is no fun. Neither is being unable to participate in making personal medical decisions. If you are unconscious or unable to articulate your consent for treatment, a medical provider or next of kin may have to make them for you. Preserving life is always the plan, but sometimes, believe it or not, you may not want that to be the plan. It is often easy to become overwhelmed and emotional when taking care of a loved one. Don’t let that stop you from preparing for the next steps. As a caregiver it’s important that we plan ahead for all circumstances.

Here are a few scenarios where life-saving measures might not be your first choice:

Scenario #1. A terminally ill patient with a disease like Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s may not want to be fed through a tube or given antibiotics after a certain stage of their disease.

Scenario #2. A brain-damaged individual who will have to live indefinitely outside of their home in a facility may not want to be on a breathing tube or dialysis or other artificial life-saving machines.

Scenario #3. Someone with a pacemaker or other device may want it removed if their condition worsens to a certain point.

Under certain circumstances, life-saving measures make perfect sense. When recovery is likely and quality of life is high, it is worth the effort and time it takes to recover or endure life-saving measures. However, there may be times or circumstances where a caregiver needs to draw a line in the medical sand.

There are two legal documents that will make it clear to providers and your family that you do not want measures taken and if you do, what they are and when they stop.

An Advance Directive
A Do Not Resuscitate (DNR)

An Advance Directive: An Advance Directive is a tool used to make end-of-life decisions ahead of time, alleviating medical staff and your family from having to make them. Your Advance Directive is a legal document that you can add to your will or trust so it is easily accessible if it needs to be enforced.

A DNR: A document that denies life-saving measures if your heart stops beating or you are unable to breath on your own.

These documents will help caregivers prevent life-saving measures that might prolong suffering or low-quality living. Consult your primary care physician to learn more and make the decisions that are right for you.

To get more information on end of life planning, be sure to purchase your copy of my upcoming book, Lifted. Enjoy!